Four Lessons I Learned From Surfing About Body Positivity
The Beginning
After finishing my first surfing experience, I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about it. In fact, I had never felt that way before. I had mostly just been following what the instructor told me to do. When he said ‘Pop up.’ I popped up. I felt like a small child wobbling and attempting to use my meager legs to ride on top of a moving body of water.
While awaiting my first surf lesson, I looked across the vast blue and emerald green waves. They were rising and falling to a degree that felt like they were daring me to come in and harness their ferocious wakes. I was terrified by the waves seeming to antagonize me. However as I entered the water, I felt weirdly calm despite the large Waikiki waves threatening to overtake my body and the board beneath me. There was an ambivalence to how I felt after my first experience on a surfboard. First, I was so happy that I was alive. Second, I had a blast. The third however, I couldn’t put my finger on it; this feeling felt new.
My second time surfing was vastly different than my first. I was no longer in a tropical place and feeling the warm ocean breeze while wearing just a swimsuit and rash guard. Instead, I was clothed in a thick neoprene wetsuit attempting to keep the frigid Washington coast waters from chilling me to the bone.
As I raced towards the ocean’s horizon in attempt to feel the same way as I did with my first surfing experience, it dawned on me. I think I felt some ambivalence towards my surfing experience because I had never felt that way before.
For the first time, I felt what it truly meant to be in my body.
I was no longer living outside of myself, but my body felt good, grounded and at home. The ocean didn’t discriminate between bodies, race, creed, sexual orientation, identities, or cultural differences. It warned everyone of the dangers and yet called you back in.
Embodiment
Surfing has been such a spiritual experience for me. I don’t know why but it has. It feels strange that something I once associated with a white, male-dominated, SoCal culture could provide existential and embodied moments for me.
Perhaps it’s the mere fact that at any moment in time, the wave could wipe me out and I could be swirling in the midst of algae, kelp and sand (perhaps an extra Dungeness crab or two.) The fear of being pushed under and the anxiety of having to allow for the ocean to decide when you will be able to rise up for air. I have no control over what the ocean or surf gives me. I must accept it. I often get a holy kind of fear when I try to squeeze my body into a wetsuit as I prepare for the cold Pacific Northwest waters. I think to myself, ‘What will the ocean provide today?’
As I approach the ocean, feeling contained in my snug wetsuit, the smell of the salt and briny waters fill my lungs. I feel alive. The ocean’s perfume reminds me that danger is near and yet it welcomes me to approach.
A few weeks ago while surfing, I was looking towards the horizon scanning for the perfect swell. As the tides push and pull my body, I force myself to stand steady on the sandy ocean floor. The rise and fall of the waters on the horizon feels like a heartbeat. The ocean reminds me that it too is alive. I lay eyes on a swell that hasn’t yet formed but I can tell it is going to be a promising wave to attempt to catch.
I turn my longboard around. I hop onto it’s surface and I paddle like I’m running away from death. As I paddle, I begin to feel the end of the board rise higher and higher. This wave is powerful and it pushes my board towards the shore. I am forced to trust myself, my body and the ocean. Despite my fear, I resign myself to let the ocean take it’s coarse. The waves begin to crash above me and I can feel the salty waters sting my eyes. The cold water feels like ice on my skin as it creeps under my wetsuit.
My board tips over and I am completely submerged in the Pacific Ocean. I think to myself, ‘Is this what death is like?’ There is kind of a resignation and peace; a surrendering of control. I wonder if perhaps death isn’t as terrifying as I thought. Alas, the white-wash claws for the shore and I find myself above the water again, baptized in salty spray of the ocean. My lungs gasp for air. It strangely feels like I have witnessed a kind of cycle of life, a death and resurrection. In that moment, I had to trust my body.
Through my surfing experience, it has taught me valuable lessons about my own body and about body positivity.
Four Lessons I Learned From Surfing About Body Positivity
Body Trust- In order for me to attempt to try surfing, I had to trust the cues that my body was giving me. I began to thank my body for keeping me alive, letting me feel the cold water, my ability to smell the ocean air, and the gift of sight to be able see the nuances of each swell forming. I had practiced on and off the water, the motion of standing on a the surfboard. I knew that with repetition my body would be able to eventually know what to do. The truth is that our bodies carry us through many sensations, emotions, experiences. It protects us from outside elements. It holds us in.
Overcoming Stereotypes- Whether it’s about women’s bodies or surfing, stereotypes aren’t fun to break through. Surfing is a predominately male sport. I can count on one hand the amount of female surfers there are in any given day compared to the sea of men trying to catch the next wave. There are few representations of women in the sport and if there is it’s a female in a smaller body. I believe the lack of representation whether female or larger bodied individuals keeps many women outside of the sport.
It Takes Time to Learn- Breaking down the harmful stigmas of women’s bodies is hard work. It’s easy to fall into the trap of a new fad diet or scrolling through an Instagram influencers profile who appears to have the perfect body and a perfect life. It has taken me years of therapy, self reflection, hard work and grit to get to a point where I can view my body as being good . Surfing, like any sport, isn’t easy. In one season of surfing, I only stood up once! I’ll eventually get the hang of it, but if I don’t try I will never get up on that board.
It’s Hard- Having to be in the largest wetsuit available brought up a lot of my own insecurities around my body. It emphasized the societal and unhealthy fear of gaining weight. I thought to myself, ‘If I gain weight, I won’t be able to participate in a sport I love because I won’t have a wetsuit to fit into.’
One August day, I rented a wetsuit and gear to go surfing at Crescent Beach on the Olympic Peninsula. I was attempting to squeeze into a wetsuit and it didn’t fit! I had to drive one hour round trip to bashfully go back to the rental place and ask for a larger size. There were many tears that day. No matter my body shape, I have to continually remind myself that my body doesn’t have to fit a specific standard. I can be at home in my body and appreciate all the great things it provides me every day. My body can grow and change just like it should.
Your Body Positivity Journey Awaits
You may feel frustrated by trying all the latest diet fads or health trends, maybe you even lost some weight but your body image is still not where you want it. If you are ready to begin the hard and rewarding journey of unlearning harmful stereotypes around your body, connect with a therapist. You will learn how harmful language around your body growing up or through society has effected your view of your body. You will discover radical strategies to break down the patriarchal views around your own body and begin the work of feeling at home in your body.
If you are looking for a therapist in the Greater Seattle area, consider working with me. I have expertise and experience working with millennial women just like you. You can request a free phone consultation to see how we might be able to work together.
Meet The Author
Adrienne Kandhari (she/her) is a licensed mental health counselor in the state of Washington. She specializes working with millennial women and helping them to grow, succeed, and thrive in the modern world. When she’s not with clients, you can find her exploring the PNW, sewing a new fashion project, and attending to her trove of houseplants.
